The Traditional Marriage Algorithm

I was recently introduced to this concept of the Traditional Marriage Algorithm, also known as the Stable Marriage Algorithm. On hearing this name, my first instinct was to laugh. Typical computer scientists, try to break down love into a matter of numbers and algorithms (it reminded me of this classic xkcd).

To give a brief synopsis, with n girls and n boys, each ranks the opposite sex in order of preference. The goal is to find a stable pairing in which no girl or guy can find a better match (i.e. higher ranked than their current partner) and leave their existing marriage. In practice, each guy proposes to his top girl, whereas she can say no or maybe, and at the end of the day/round, she picks her top and rejects the other maybes. In the next day/round, the same thing happens again, and girls can "trade-up" their list, and men who were once engaged may no longer be so. A great explanation of the entire algorithm and its repercussions on both parties is found in this "Lecture 10: How to Think Like A Computer Scientist" from Duke's CS department.

While the purpose of teaching this to CS students is for proving algorithms, the most interesting point was the following: The Traditional Marriage Algorithm always produces a male-optimal, female-pessimal pairing. Meaning, the person who asks always gets the highest person on their list that would produce a stable pairing, whereas the person who waits to be asked doesn't necessarily walk away with the best possible mate.

What does this say about our dating patterns? As a girl, if I follow the standard and wait to be asked out, I am automatically losing. Well, it's a good thing I don't. Finally being a "forward" girl has been proven to pay off!

That said, there is a risk involved in being the "chooser". Looking back on my own experience, the times I have taken initiative (and thus chosen someone at the top of my list), are the only times I have been burned, or traded-up, in the case of this analogy. What the algorithm simply overlooks as "rounds" are in reality a series of break-ups, each involving months and possibly years of your time.

What does this finally mean? To avoid heartbreak, one should never date someone hotter/more-successful than themselves. However, for the promise of the best partner possible, the risk of being traded-up must be faced. Which would you choose?